Recently, on the Slow Your Home Podcast, Brooke and Ben explored the idea of Your Why. I.E. why are you doing what you are doing in your life? In this episode, Brooke read aloud her three sentence eulogy, and it brought me to tears. The podcast had previously dedicated an entire episode to the experience of writing your own eulogy and since then I’ve wanted to do it.
But I haven’t been able to muster the courage to take that terrifying leap. With the wonderful insight of Brooke, I realized why this was the case.
What I would want my eulogy to say and the trajectory that my life is currently on are so far apart. A massive shift is required if I want to end up at the eulogy I’ve been mulling over in my head. And that realization is very scary. I’m an introvert and I don’t like change, but it is so desperately what I need to be satisfied in my life.
After hearing Brooke read her eulogy and being so moved by it, I realized something. She wrote her’s about who she was as a person, and now what she had done as a person. I’ve always prided myself on not being attached to what I do for a living, but Brooke’s eulogy made me realize that the only identity I see for myself right now is my job and how I pay the bills. I would absolutely hate it if my eulogy was just a listing of what my various job titles had been over the course of my life. I realize that isn’t what eulogies are, but that leads me to my next realization.
I’m still not clear on who I am as a person as it relates to the external world.
(After writing that, I took the loudest deep breath in and prepared for a mental battle within myself.)
I have very strong personal values, and I hope this blog reflects those values. But I haven’t yet figured out how to translate those values into something I could do for a living and feel aligned with who I am as a person.
Beyond that, my personal values are not something I have shared outside this space (you are special blog family).
Way, Way Off Course
It is incredibly unsettling when you realize where you want your life to go and where your life is now are nowhere near each other.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a manual we could use to help us merge the two?
The only thing I can think of to help push myself forward is to follow Brooke’s advice and write my own three sentence eulogy – but with a bit of a twist. I’m going to write two – one for where my life is now and one for where I want my life to go.
Please bear with me – what follows might seem like I’m throwing a pity party for myself. But, this is what the insight of my head looks like right now, and it’s messy.
Three Sentence Eulogy 1: Where My Life Is Now
Brittany spent her life doing things she wasn’t passionate about because she was afraid of failing. She never made a change because she couldn’t see a clear transition out. Brittany never spoke up for her dreams because dreams are luxuries that are not affordable for normal people.
Ok, palate cleanser. That was intense – only several tears were shed and throats were choked up. Now onto something a little happier.
Three Sentence Eulogy 2: Where I Want My Life To Go
Brittany dedicated her life to helping those in need. She was always there for her friends and was constantly on the look out for a great adventure. Brittany never took more than her fair share and she left this world a little better off than she found it. She followed her dreams and lived with no regrets because she knew every experience was a learning opportunity.
Ok – I fudged the number of sentences in Eulogy 2, and I know it’s a little broad. I am still in the refinement process. But, I think it’s clear that a lot of work needs to be done to end up at Eulogy 2, instead of Eulogy 1.
The next steps for me are very clear, and it’s something I’ve been mulling for a couple of months now. It’s what happens after Step 1 that scares the crap out of me. A lot of it has to do with mindset. I have to start truly believing I am in control of my life and can change it in almost any way I please. I recognize this might not be a luxury that everyone has, and I am grateful for my life circumstances that allow me this freedom.